I am reading a book about how to be your child's emotion coach and avoid power struggles. Mary Sheedy Kurcinka is the author of Kids, Parents and Power Struggles
An excerpt from the book:
"Recognizing those emotions is the key to stopping power struggles before they even start. Responding to those emotions builds the relationship that makes your child want to work with you."
She also wrote Raising Your Spirited Child
There is definitely a current power struggle going on between us right now and I am trying to figure out the emotion behind it. It started suddenly and I hoping it will be short-lived. Here is an example, I am getting ready to change her diaper and she says "no! daddy! change it!" This means, she doesn't want me to change her diaper, she wants her dad to. She'll also ask for grandma, if she is around. This will also happen if my husband is the one being the "monster," so it seems, and then I am called in.
It also happens (sometimes) when me or my husband try to get her dressed or undressed. And it's not like we do it forcefully. We always talk about what we're doing, and why. For instance, I'll say that we are getting dressed because we are going out (to the park, to the library, or wherever).
So why is she doing it.... It can be very exasperating. I don't know if it is just her exerting her independence and showing that she has her own preference. Even still, there is some emotion behind it. I am going to be applying some of the concepts that I have learned so far in the book Kids, Parents and Power Struggles and will update then.
-heather
